The Truth and Nothing but the Truth
by crankyhermit
Summary: Arthur is captured and forced to ingest a truth potion.  Unfortunately there are some side effects... Slash


**The Truth and Nothing but the Truth**

The terrible, horrible, no good, very bad evil assassins watched with keen anticipation as Arthur bucked against the ropes tying him to the somewhat rickety chair and jerked his head, trying to shake off the fingers pinching his nose shut, and finally swallowed. The beefy one holding Arthur's nose backed away to rejoin the other two, radiating smugness through the cloth mask covering his face and the swirl of his long cape.

"We will have all your secrets now," sneered the tallest of the three, rubbing his leather-gloved hands with glee. "Camelot and her terrible tyrant king will fall!"

The third, silent and smaller than the other two, stepped forward and placed two fingers at Arthur's throat, over his pulse, and started counting.

Merlin glanced wildly around the run-down shack, looking for a weapon or anything he could conceivably bring down on the assassins. The only thing he could see was dirty rushes on the floor, and broken furniture from Arthur's failed attempt to break free before they wrestled him onto the chair and tied him to it. Merlin himself was tied up hand and foot on the musty-smelling ground. There was the roof, but it was so full of holes and the beams so rotted he wasn't sure if it would knock out a hen.

"The Prince is ready. The potion has taken effect," declared the third, whose voice did sound like a woman's. She stepped away from Arthur, and the tall assassin came forward.

"You won't be able to stop yourself from answering us now, and not a single false word will pass your lips," he gloated. "Now, about Camelot's defences-"

"I like ropes," announced Arthur, apropos of nothing. The assassins regarded him silently, stunned. Merlin thought he understood how they felt. Arthur looked over at him and leered _happily_. "I like Merlin in ropes _better_. Can't run away and hide from me then."

"What," said the tall assassin, backing up a little. The other two leaned in closer, fascinated.

"I should have stocks installed in my chambers." Arthur bowed his head, then Merlin realised Arthur was watching his toes wriggle in his boots. Pouting.

"Is the truth potion supposed to do that?" asked the tall assassin shakily.

The woman assassin shook her head, apparently torn between horror and unhealthy interest. "I've never seen it have an effect like this before. Normally they are fighting to keep from talking."

Arthur raised his head again and looked slyly at Merlin. "You know, Merlin, I only throw things at you when I want to turn you over my lap and spank you. For being such an idiot. It's for your own protection. I've never known anyone who could attract a unicorn before."

"A unicorn," whispered the woman assassin, clasping her hands in wonder. Merlin squirmed, wishing he could die of humiliation. Or set the shack on fire. Oh. Maybe he could.

"Must we talk about this here?" Merlin asked, trying to keep the enraptured assassins' attention on them while he carefully nudged the candle over and rolled it to a pile of mouldy hay.

"I wish I could see a real unicorn," said the beefy assassin wistfully. "We shouldn't be threatening to harm someone who has seen such a magical creature."

"Druids!" sneered the tall assassin angrily, turning on his partners. "I should never have agreed to work with you useless tree-huggers."

"Merlin is a tree-hugger too," grumbled Arthur sympathetically. "He also hugs old men and dirty drunk rogues, and girls. He should be hugging ME."

"You said no hugging!" Merlin felt moved to protest in his own defence, even as he loosened Arthur's bindings surreptitiously. Arthur seemed to feel the sudden slack immediately, and flicked a sharp look at him as if he knew what Merlin had done.

"Shut up!" shouted the tall assassin, moving to draw his sword, and a piece of rotted roof fell on his head and bounced off harmlessly. "You will not distract us with this foolishness any longer. Tell us how to get into Camelot!"

Just in time, the fire Merlin was quietly cultivating flared up with a roar and spread across the shack. Arthur grinned at the angry assassin and kicked out, knocking him backwards into the fire. "Through the main gates!" he said cheerily and shrugged off the chair, rolling to snatch back his sword from the pile of rabbit, crossbow and pheasant the assassins had taken from him and Merlin.

The woman assassin sized up the situation quickly and snapped out, "Run!" and the beefy one immediately obeyed, leaving the tall one rolling on the ground to try to put out the fire on his clothes. Arthur continued to grin in a frightening, manic way as the last assassin picked himself up with a curse and ran for it. Then Arthur turned to Merlin.

Who was beginning to think he should have removed his own bindings first. "Arthur, the fire?" he tried to remind the excessively happy prince.

"Never fear, of course I will save you," declared Arthur, sweeping Merlin up in his arms. Merlin squawked and wriggled for an instant before he decided he did not want to be dropped on the floor, and let Arthur carry him off.

Off, not out. Merlin had a very bad feeling as Arthur marched out of the blazing shack and just... kept going. "Arthur? The ropes?" he tried again.

"You don't like them?" asked Arthur, looking a little hurt, but not stopping. "Or is it me you don't like? Would you like the ropes if it was Gwaine? Or Morgana, or Gwen?"

Merlin felt his already hot face turn even hotter. He nearly buried his face in Arthur's shoulder to hide, but thought better of it at the last instant. How was he supposed to answer this? "I- I do like them, the ropes I mean, and you, but you're drugged, you have no idea what you're saying, I, I. Arthur."

Arthur was practically glowing with crazy drugged joy. "It's not the potion. Or it is, but I am telling the truth. If I didn't have the potion in me, I would have taken you out hunting and pushed you in a muddy puddle."

Merlin stared at him, mouth working soundlessly for a moment. "You _did_ push me in a muddy puddle. Before they caught us. My last clean shirt is- my trousers are still stuck to my arse, you, you great lump of, of," he sputtered and failed to continue as Arthur beamed at him proudly. He squirmed again. "Where are you taking me?"

"There's a secret entrance to the castle further up, with an old well you can use to get cleaned up some." Then Arthur looked a little shy, confiding. "I keep some spare clothes and a clean mattress in a disused room there. Sometimes I just stay there when I'm supposed to be out hunting."

"Oh," Merlin said, "I guess you should probably stay away from everyone while you are still affected by the potion." Arthur smiled and nuzzled him.

**The End**


End file.
